Here are some of my personal favourites
Eric 'She was a lovely girl. I was going to marry her and live in the country, and maybe have a couple of kids'
Ernie 'Why didn't you?'
Eric 'She didn't like me'
Ernie 'I've got some great news'
Eric 'What? Has Des O'Connor got a sore throat?'
Eric 'Why don't you have a little dance?'
Ernie 'Actually I don't think I will - I'm a little stiff from Badminton'
Eric ''It doesn't matter where you're from, you can still join in'
Eric 'A director rang from Hollywood. 'Alfred' somebody'
Ernie 'Hitchcock?'
Eric 'He might have, I didn't ask'
Eric 'Are you going to apologise?'
Ernie 'Me? Apologise?'
Eric 'Thank you, you're very kind'
Eric 'I've just bought Des O'Connor's new album'
Ernie 'Where from?'
Eric 'Boots the chemist'
Ernie 'Did you need a prescription?'
Eric 'I had to go to the poison counter'
Ernie 'Have you got the maracas?'
Eric 'No, it's the way I walk'
Ernie 'What are those medals you're wearing?'
Eric 'These are my military medals - I won them during the war'
Ernie 'I didn't know you'd won a couple of medals - what were they for?
Eric ''Well' this one I got for saving two women'
Ernie 'Saving two women?'
Eric 'Yes, one for myself and one for the general'
Ernie 'And what about the other one?'
Eric ''Ah, yes, this was for saving the lives of the entire regiment'
Ernie 'What did you do?'
Eric 'I shot the cook'
Ernie 'I don't believe you were wounded at all. Have you any scars?
Eric ''No, but I can lend you a cigarette'
Ernie 'But did you actually see any action?'
Eric 'You're talking to a man who spent 1944 as driver and stage manager for Big Betty Braithwaite's All-Girl Yodelling Belly Dancers and you're asking me if I saw any action. Please!!'
Ernie 'My auntie's got a Whistler'
Eric 'Now there's a novelty'
Ernie 'I hear Des O'Connor is suffering from athlete's voice'
Eric 'You mean people hear his voice and want to run?'
Eric 'Sit down. Now, I know you're all excited and everything, but I don't want you to get upset when I tell you something about Hollywood'
Ernie 'What?'
Eric 'Shirley Temple is almost forty-seven'
Ernie 'Really?
Eric ''Yes. She's Lee Marvin's mother. And Donald Duck's a cartoon'
And finally Eric with a guest
Eric : [as Cyrano de Bergerac] 'What would it take for you to kiss me?'
Penelope Keith: [as the Queen of France] 'Chloroform'
