Throughout his life Eric came out with some great quips - Here are some of my personal favourites
'The average man could be replaced by a hot water bottle.'
'Agent - a man who's annoyed because you get 90% of his salary.'
'The man who said "All men are created equal" has never been in a footballer's
changing room.'
'This is an expensive cigar that I'm smoking. I know it's expensive. It was
thrown out of a Rolls.'
'After every joke I got a tremendous round of applause. Then I found out there
was a waiter trying to get some HP Sauce out of a bottle.'
'If you were to put all the arteries and veins and capillaries out end to end,
that man would probably die.'
'I believe in honesty. I once found a wallet with three hundred pounds in it.
Did I keep it? I did not. I went out and put an ad in the lost and found column
of the Budapest Daily News.'
'I used to play football in my youth. Then my eyes went bad. That's why I
became a referee.'
'A virus is what people who can't spell pneumonia get.'
''What's the use of working? If your ship comes in, you'll find all of your
relatives standing on the dock.'
'Some like girls who come up to their shoulders. Some like girls who come up to their chin. I like girls who come up to my flat.'
'Don't talk to me about Luton Town Football Club. We now do a lap of honour when we get a corner.'
'Remember, when a girl puts on a swim suit, she may never go near the water - but when she puts on a wedding dress,
she means business.'
Finally, when asked what he and Ernie would have been had they not been comedians,
Eric replied, 'Mike and Bernie Winters'.
Recommended Reading
Eric Morecambe Unseen -The lost diaries jokes and photographs - Edited by William Cook
